all too often, the urge to give up outweighs the urge to believe in optimism and the idea that things will, eventually, be okay.

what does it say about a person when nearly every choice they make in their lives with the complete intent to do nothing but better themselves and their situation backfires and has the complete opposite result?  is the person himself a failure or is it just a matter of him not having found that perfect storm of a life situation yet and he should keep his head up and press on? surely, the correct answer is the latter, but when one is knee deep in the everyday muck of life and his head is clouded with nothing but the after-effects of all the negatives he has endured, it becomes very very difficult to maintain a glass-is-half-full attitude towards his life and the world in general.

i remain standing in the dead center of one of my life’s most important crossroads, and every time i choose a direction and begin on my merry way, i subsequently always come to find that the road has been closed. why is this? what is it about me that brings these issues to the forefront, when countless other people, arguably many less deserving, are able to continue down their chosen roads without obstruction, detour, or regret?

life may never make sense to me.
that might be my biggest fear.

the rescue boats need to hurry. i can’t tread water much longer.
i don’t want to drown.
drowning is not an option.  i hope.